"And You Have To Give Them HOPE"

"And you have to give them hope.  Hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place to come to if the pressures at home are too great.  Hope that all will be all right." -Harvey Milk 

These words spoken by gay activist/icon/pioneer Harvey Milk continue to speak deep truth, even 32 years after they were originally spoken.  Especially today.  Today, across the nation people are wearing purple remembering and honoring the lives of victims of bullying.  This remembrance comes in the wake of six much talked about suicides in the month of September.  What has brought these suicides and the causes behind them into the nation's conscious is the fact that the young who took their lives were either LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) or perceived to be. 


The heartbreaking fact is that these people did not see the hope.  They didn't see any other way out of the despair and ridicule they faced everyday.  It is a dark place to feel all alone, to hide in fear because you don't think anyone can or ever would truly love you for who you are.


I know that fear.  Before I finally found the courage to come out two years ago, I always lied about who I am.  I watched movies with friends and said things like, "Oh yeah man, she's so hot!"  Worse than the constant lying was the self-denial.  I fought an internal struggle where I suppressed every thought and emotion, I told myself that I wasn't gay.  I envisioned that I could go my whole life without telling anyone I'm gay.


I have to admit that coming out was the scariest thing of my life, but also the most liberating!!  To live your truth is the greatest choice in the world.  I let go of the fear and love poured over me, the closet door was smashed, never again would I let it be my home.


As I heard of the suicides, my heart broke.  I wanted so much to wrap up these young men (not much younger than me) and tell them that love exists.  Life is brilliantly beautiful, there are people who will love and accept you no matter what.  Life does get better.


At the root of the issue here isn't just bullying, that is only a symptom.  The true problem is the homophobia that has seeped into the culture.  Not only are LGBT people discriminated against at schools, we are attacked from pulpits and bombarded by the media.  Men are told from a very young age not to be emotional (that's what girls do, "you're a fag") and women are told that their place in society is not in the forefront (that's where boys are meant to be, you are meant to be the thin, gorgeous, sexual object of men).  Society at large isn't giving hope, to the contrary, it is taking it away.


I am here to say that this isn't the way it is meant to be!!  This is not all there is!!  There are people who support you who want the best for you.  Love is out there.  YOU AREN'T ALONE!!  I believe in hope.  The hope Harvey Milk represents.  I believe in the hope being shared today.  


We must share hope!!  We must remember.




The following is a poem, entitled "Are We Listening To Their Silence?", I wrote in response to the suicides:


Homophobia and bullying to blame,
the loss of lives,
shattered by pain

This is written to give a voice,
HATRED IS A DISASTROUS CHOICE!!

Will it ever stop,
do we understand the cost,
we cannot allow any more loss

The problem is real,
we have to face it,
not watch the news and become complacent

Homophobia and bullying to blame,
the loss of lives,
shattered by pain

Are we listening to their silence,
do we see our world teeming with violence?

We are needed more than ever,
shining hope in darkest weather,
I know the truth that life gets better

Asher Brown

Raymond Chase

Tyler Clementi

Billy Lucas

Seth Walsh

Justin Aaberg

            

If you or someone you know is in need of help, please contact The Trevor Project The Trevor project is the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among the LGBT community.  They can be contacted via their website (see link) and their lifeline (which is free, confidential, and 24/7) at 866-4-U-Trevor (866-488-7386)

O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A

For the first time in four years of college, I got to have a true fall break.  Fall break is a few days every year when most students leave school to go somewhere and enjoy themselves.  I usually have to stay in town and hear about everyone's amazing adventures...but not this year!

This year, I got invited to spend break with two of my best friends and go to one of their hometowns; meaning that I have gotten the opportunity to visit Oklahoma for the first time ever.  And what a time it has been!!  As we arrived right around midnight on Saturday, I had the awe-inspiring experience of seeing one of the most stirring sights of my life: the Oklahoma City bombing memorial against the dark sky.   This brought tears to my eyes and I will never forget it!


Saturday also included another big event in my immersion in Southern culture: Sooner football!  Sadly, we didn't get to watch the game because of some stupid dispute Dish Network was having with Fox.  It didn't matter because the Sooners DOMINATED!  Iowa State University 52-0 (how ironic that they would be playing Iowa while we were on break)  BOOMER SOONER!

Today (Monday), has been spent sharing in yet again another Southern staple: FOOD!!  For lunch, we picked up my friend's mom from work and got BBQ at an incredible restaurant called Earl's (http://www.earlsribpalace.com/) (side note: Earl's is located right next to the world headquarters of....SONIC!)

Then we stopped at really cool gas station/diner called Pops, where you can buy all sorts of beverages from all over the world in pop tab bottles.  The bottles can be seen from the street and it looks like the walls are made of them (http://route66.com/)

We ended the day with dinner at a place called Braums that is a well known dairy chain that has locally made ice cream.  It reminded me of the Umpqua dairy chain that we have back home (http://www.braums.com/)







I have had such a WONDERFUL time in Oklahoma and have really felt at home.  What an incredible fall break that I will never, ever forget!  Yes, a Northerner has fallen in love with the South... thanks so much to the Gates family for their warm welcome and generous hospitality!!

A Little Monster...Transformed By Gaga

I am a little monster.  There's no other way to say this, I am a little monster.  Millions of people around the world agree with me.  Lady Gaga is profoundly important in my life.  In a world where so many people are torn down and oppressed, I have found freedom.  You may be reading this wondering, as many do, why Gaga?

My answer is simple.  I am transformed.  Gaga is more than a "singer", she is the leader of a revolution.  Her life is more than music, it is more than words set to a beat, she actively inspires me to find the best in me and live it to the fullest.  As someone who faces injustice simply because I am disabled and my sexuality doesn't fit the "norm", I know that Gaga understands.  She isn't the typical star that spits out whatever the record label tells her, she speaks her mind and stands up for what she believes.  Called a "freak" by many in the music industry and society, Gaga has shown me how to embrace what makes me who I am and say, "Hell yes!!  You're damn right!"  You can call me a freak if you want, but I know the truth is that really, I'm a free bitch!!  

What's so scary about this?  Well, it's freedom, the liberation, the raw power.  If those of us who have been misunderstood and mistreated really knew how worthy of justice and voices we are, we just might have the courage to shake things up and take our rightful place in society.

Like I said, Gaga speaks up about what she believes.  She rallies the monster family to fight against unjust policies like Don't Ask, Don't Tell, she constantly spreads a message of love to so many, especially those of us in the LGBT community.  

Everything Gaga does is about having an impact and expressing how living inside someone else's definition for you isn't what life is about.  Whether it is in the artistic expression of her fashion and the meanings behind it, or her music that is dripping with liberation, Gaga has established that she isn't the pop fad people want to label her as.

I am proud to be who I am and I am not ashamed to be a little monster.  I am a free bitch because of her.  Here's to you Mother Monster!!  "...raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of all my fucked up friends... you've left me speechless."

Speechless - Lady Gaga

Beginning

Maybe you'll like what I say, maybe you won't.  Maybe you're a friend or a stranger.  I don't know what has brought you here.  Whatever the reason, I hope my stroll through life will help you with yours.  That's why I'm writing this - to share this wonderful, painful, amazing, heartbreaking, holy, profane, reverent, and yes, irreverent journey with any and all who will join me.

A word on who I am.  I am first and foremost a unique piece in the puzzle that is life.  I believe that at its deepest, life is about recognizing the connection with, between, around, among, and through everything in existence.  Whether this is in the form of other people, animals, plants, the air, sun, leaves, raindrops, or the molecules that fundamentally form these realities, all is inseparably and inextricably related.  This is what matters most.

So, as this form of writing and relational (you will see this word A LOT - get used to it) expression takes shape. I hope you will take time to join me and think about where you're at on this journey we share.